When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

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bonnietiler
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When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

Post by bonnietiler » Tue Sep 29, 2020 6:26 pm

When I was but a boy, 16 years old to be honest, I was very skinny..we all were, I lived on Pies and 20 Gold Leaf a day, i was bright enough, Grammar School boy, lived in a nice bungalow with my Cambridge graduate Sister and Mum and Dad, my Mum being a then typical 1970 Mum and my Dad a Pneumatic and Hydraulic Engineer, I was scruffy...with long hair..patched Jeans, into Heavy Rock Music, so Girls were a little...should we say ...thin on the ground ..ahem..I had a BSA B25, on which I had passed my test quite recently, so was clearly a vastly experienced Motorcyclist, i was now sniffing after a mighty B44, Oh yes, that was the way for speed Demon like me to go alright.Hmm late September and It was a dank nippy greasy early Autumn night, just a chill in the air, more than enough to tell that Winter was not too far away, I decided to meet my Pal at the Local, the Landlord of which we had cunningly convinced that we were of the correct age, of course he knew that we were underage, he always sat us in the corner with half a flat bitter near to the door in case of a raid. This particular night my Mate was late, so I sparked up my Robson Comet lighter and ignited a Goldie, then sauntered over to my bike which looked so sultry under the lemon coloured street lights , on this occasion though....there was those strange, Aliens present on the other side of the road....gurls they are called! I didn't need any encouragement, after all I'd had half a Greenhalls Bitter and I was smoothly doing my finest Steve McQueen impression, ciggie lit and automatically ...just ...being controlled by the lips, WHAT GIRL COULD REFUSE?
I fired the BSA, it grumbled into life and settled to an even and melodious tickover.
Now in all fairness, this wasn't always the case, so clearly the God's of Small Heath were benign that evening and watching out for me, now come on, let's be realistic I was so COOL, fag burning well, patched Levi jeans and matching jacket, No helmet, my hair catching the breeze and tantalizingly tousled, THIS WAS GOING VERY WELL...I breezed across the road and stylishly pulled over just along side this pair of Adolescent Angels, I leant over , my Gold Leaf still offering a good burn and with the Gold filter held serupticiously in the corner of my Bum-fluff moustachioed mouth ,with a flick of my ankle I I flipped down the side stand and was half way through my traditional "Waiting for me Gurls?" When those capriccoous Elves of Birmingham began to really enjoy themselves.. what I hadn't spotted was the Road Grid beneath my Starfire, as I was about to alight sliding sidesaddle no less, the bike kept going down...down...and further down, In my haste to extricate myself whilst still maintaining my street cool, I bollocked myself spectaculatly on the tank, slid onto the pavement at the feet of these by now cackling crones , who had been so beautiful only a second previously, my brain was a crescendo of cunning creativity, all wasnt lost surely, I was almost cross-legged from my unfortunate nether region contact with the tank but with a smile like a cracked egg I Yanked at the semi stuck machine, I can still rescue this..I can! .I pulled at the bike with all my strength, after alI was a good 9stone at the time
With the Taters throbbing, an increasingly green face I have to give the bike one...final...ALMIGHTY..p..u..l..l, and YES, it came free, in fact it came free with an CLANG LIKE a brass bell being struck and it shot over into the road from whence it came with Steve McQueen here gamely hanging onto the handlebars, my legs were still waving in the night air and astride and down I came luckily I managed to brace my fall by once again using my Testicles as a buffer...I quivered up onto my baseball boot bedecked feet, clothes wet and grubby, and do you know the Girls had gone! I patted myself down and satisfied myself that cool had been maintained as the Gold Leaf had actually never left my lips, the bike still ticked over metronomically, I think it was sniggering a little, I dusted myself down again and looked over to see my Mate arriving on his C15, we went back to the Pub, sat in a cubicle and ordered another half, I then just caught the gist of the conversation on the next table, "Oh no the funniest was when he Bounced on his Nuts for a second time".
I finished my Beer, ignited another Fag and wondered which frozen bag of Veg would be most appropriate.
.
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Re: When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

Post by koncretekid » Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:04 pm

It Could Have Been Worse - - it could have then caught on fire and you and your bud would have been toasting roasted nuts with your bitters!
life's uncertain - go fast now

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Re: When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

Post by minetymenace » Wed Sep 30, 2020 8:49 am

:thumb That's the spirit!
There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
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Re: When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

Post by beat » Wed Sep 30, 2020 8:10 pm

I do understand only 1/4 of it but ..... :laugh :laugh :laugh

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Re: When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

Post by Canberra » Thu Oct 01, 2020 2:41 pm

Oh,to be young again (and foolish). Great story, although sad for the nether regions.

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Re: When you're at your Wits End ..it could be worse

Post by mlb50 » Fri Oct 02, 2020 8:27 am

Ha! Similar experience in 1980. Horsham, East Sussex. I was older then than the local lads and had a A65 Thunderbolt. Young lad Manky Al had just got a B25 Starfire and was very pleased with it and himself. He picked me up after work (King & Barnes Real Ales) on the bike and sitting on the back we set off down the High Street when Al spots a gang of yobs he knows and wants to impress - so one hand on the throttle and the other in a "gesture" looking over at them....but to my horror veered into a parked car, clipped the rear right wing and spat us off into the middle of the road.

I had a burger sized chunk out of my right hand, banged knees and Al just suddenly jumped up absolutely terrified and instantly composed himself in front of the cackling youths - "its all right, happens all the time"....
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